An alternate title for this post would be “me becoming a pregnant troll”, but I wasn’t sure if that was too broad or not. Instead, I kept it simple with Second-Trimester Pregnancy Update. I even joked with a friend recently that I was going to go as a troll for Halloween and just dress like my pregnant self, which explains everything in a nutshell.
Before I really delve into the overly honest ramblings that are this blog post, let me start off by saying how madly in love I already am with this little girl I’ve never met. If it wasn’t for us not owning a single thing that can keep a child safe and alive except for my own breasts, then I’d say January couldn’t come soon enough.
I went from being completely terrified when finding out I was unexpectedly pregnant, to being the person that stares at ultrasound photos while talking to my well-fed 22-week bump like a crazed drunk woman in a dark alley that doesn’t think anyone is listening. Basically, I’m obsessed with her every move more than the last. Not to mention I truly consider it an insane privilege and God’s grace to be able to carry this healthy baby.
Some other pro’s so far —
— not having to scoop the litter boxes (that’s a pregnancy no-no apparently)
— an A+ 20-week anatomy scan
— the extra daily calorie allowance (not that it really helps me much, see cheese danish reference below, but you know…)
— I’m apparently naturally more popular with animals while pregnant…feel free to judge for this, but I don’t hate that my cat is more interested in me now than he usually is, haha!
Now all of that said, I am NOT loving the actual pregnancy symptoms and emotional mind games my body is playing on me AT ALL. Essentially I can break down my pregnancy experience thus far into three distinct summaries:
Weeks 1 through 11 — felt like coming down with the flu while being given a sleeping pill and a giant secret to keep, then being told to go function like a normal productive person and not show any symptoms.
Weeks 12 through 19 — I was all of the sudden feeling so scarily unpregnant that I then developed an extreme sense of fear that I’d lost the baby every five seconds, while also being annoyed when people treated me like I wasn’t capable of lifting a grocery bag or as if my sole purpose of being alive now was to be a baby vessel. How’s that for an oxymoron?
Weeks 20 through 22 — I became a carb-loading, highly emotional troll…with an added dose of random people touching me like a little Buddha belly.
For real, that’s how quickly it happened. I’ve now cried from simply listening to this song, from seeing a complete stranger on Instagram that barely looked pregnant at 22 weeks while I already look like a swallowed a volleyball, and I officially have NO filter whatsoever now.
I can’t even begin to recap all of the things Jared has said innocently that have sent me into an emotional roller coaster the last few weeks, either. The worst part is I don’t even know why I’m upset sometimes!
I then go and start searching for some form of starch to eat, while simultaneously looking for something that still fits me from my closet to no avail. I’m even eating a cherry cheese danish from the airport coffee shop as we speak, and I don’t even like cherry things, that’s just the only flavor they had left.
You kind of see where all of this is adding up to troll status, right? I’ll stop there for the sake of sparing you the rest of the TMI details like having a negative zero sex drive, the 1,348,174 bathroom trips I make each day, or being plagued by bloating and constipation.
To find some hope, I even started seeking fellow pregnant trolls to find comfort in. I may even start referring to myself as “Tina” after reading this article.
Basically I need to know your sanity keeping secrets during emotional pregnancy episodes! Do I need a straight jacket, or just some prenatal yoga, because WTH?!
Since this saga has gone on long enough for today (and I’m officially out of cherry cheese danish now), I’ll save my questions about birthing plans, classes, and diapers for another day….